Jokes


 * Hi everyone ! This is a __Joke Page__, so you can post jokes here** **! Remember to write your name and put a colon ! ( obviously )**

Neville: Which part of your body is the most organised? A: Your nails, cause' you can file them.

Which part of your body is a planet? A: Ur-anus (Uranus)

What pig / sheep is good at karate ? A: Pork chop / Lamb chop

There was once 3 boys called Shut up, Manners and Trouble. One day, Trouble went missing so Shut up and Manners went to look for him. Manners said"I'll go look in the toilet. U go to the police station."Shut up went to the police station.The police said"What's your name?""Shut up!"he said."Where are your Manners?"the police said."In the toilet," Shut up answered. "Are u looking for Trouble?"said the police."Yes!"Shut up said. (They never found Trouble)

-Huang Zhong
 * From Wei Yang:**

A farmer was going to a pond to collect fruits in the bushes near it, then he saw two skinny girls bathing (bathing naked) in the pond. When the girls saw him coming, they said:" We ain't coming out until you go!" So the farmer said:" I'm just coming here to feed the crocs!" ( The girls would come out ! )

A man was speeding on the road when a traffic police saw him, and caught him. So the man said that he had murdered a man and hid the corpse in the boot (rear). The traffic police called the station and called a few policemen. When they arrived, the policemen open the boot and found nothing. The man said:" See he is lying!!! I bet he told me that I was speeding too!!!"

One evening, impressed by a meat entree his wife had prepared, the husband asked, "What did you marinate this in?" The wife dropped her fork and went into a long explanation about how much she loved him and how life wouldn't be the same without him. She must have seen the confused look on her husband's face, because she inquired, "What did you ask me?" When he told her what he'd asked, the wife laughed and said, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!" Later, as she was cleaning up the kitchen, the husband called out, "Hey, Hon, WOULD you marry me again?" Without hesitation she replied, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."

Two monks were captured by cannibals and were being boiled in a stew. Suddenly, one monk laughed, the other monk said, "We are going to die and you are still laughing?!" The other monk replied, "I just urined in the stew!!!!!"

A taxi driver was returning from work at midnight when he saw a girl on a deserted road, he stoped and asked her if she wanted a lift, the girl nodded her head. After she got him, the girl asked him to go to the nearby graveyard. Halfway to their destination, the driver checked the mirror, THE GIRL WAS NOT THERE!!!! He stopped the taxi and turned around, the girl was there smiling at her, so he continued his journey. Once again, he checked the mirror, the girl was not there again!!!! He stopped the taxi and turned around, the girl was there, staring suspiciously at him. So he continued driving. Then he he thought he should just check the mirror one more, and the girl was not there. Then, he braked hard and turned around. There, looking at him was the girl, her nose was bleeding and she stared at him. The bus driver turned white and fainted.

Later, the police arrived, they questioned the girl. The girl said, "I was going to see my boyfriend who lives opposited the graveyard, then I saw this taxi driver who was kind enough to give me a lift. Then I felt something in my nose, which I thought I had to dig out, but I did not want to do it in front of the driver, you know. So I bent down and started digging it, then the taxi stopped. I sat up straight and smiled at the driver. When he continued, I started digging it again. Then the taxi stopped again, I sat up and stared at him suspiciously. Then he went on and so did I, the thing was going to come out but sundenly, the taxi braked so hard and my finger went into my nose and it started bleeding! I stared at the driver and he fainted!!!"

Three men were in a dungeon, a cruel king said if they could stuff 10 of a kind of fruit into their butt, he will set him free. He also said you could not show any emotions. The first man came back with bananas, he tried stuffing them into his butt but at the 5th banana, he wined in pain, he was killed, the next man came back with grapes, he stuffed them into his butt but at the 9th grape he laughed. He was also killed. In heaven, the two men met. The first man asked the second man why he laughed, the 2nd man said, "I could not help it, the other man came back with durians!!!!"

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes she'd hear at the office. So one evening she went home and memorized all of the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a Dumb Blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals!" One of the guys said, "I don’t believe you." She said, "It's true. Just test me!" "Okay. What is the capital of Alaska?" he asked. "A," she answered, smugly.
 * From Zhia Yang:**

P.S: Blondes are very dumb.

From Neville:

Two good friends were hunting in the forest. One of them (DAVID) spotted a deer and went after it. Peter had a heart attack while running and David called the hospital. Nurse: Hello? David: Help! My friend is dead! Nurse: Are you sure? Can you check? David: Hold on a while... (David reloads his gun and shoots Peter) (Background: Click ! BANG!) D: Okay, my friend is definitely dead. Get the ambulance! (A police car arrives and arrests David.)

From Jarret:

One night, John was running home in the rain drenched. He spotted a cat in the drain. It was gong to be washed away. John decided to help it. God saw it and was touched, so he granted John a wish. John said he wanted 9 lives. He decided to try out if his wish was granted. He went to the railway track and got ranover by a train going to Malaysia. "WHAMM!" He died. He went to complain to God about his death. God said: "The train had 10 pairs of wheels. Whenever each pair of wheels ran over you, you died once. Calculate yourself! You were killed by the last pair of wheels." John swore never to play with his life (lives) again.

From Nicholas:

One day, a god told everybody whoever who could get him onto land will become a god. A man said: "I cannot get you down, but I can get you up to heaven!" The god came to land and said "Show me" The man then said " See, you are on land already."

Bryan:

There was a six storey building and a person lived on each level, except on the first level, which was the void deck.

There lived a robber on the second floor, a policeman on the third floor, a postman on the fourth, a blind man on the fifth and lastly, a woman on the sixth.

One day, the woman was bathing. When she was going to on the heater, there came a "Knock Knock" on the door. She looked through the peephole and saw the robber. She wrapped the towel around her body and answered the door. "Hey, guess what? I robbed five people today!" The robber told her excitedly. "None of my business!" she said and closed the door. When she was going to on the tap, there came a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. She looked through the pepphole and it was the policeman. She wrapped the towel again and opened the door. "Hey guess what, I caught five people today!" The policeman said. "None of my business!" The woman replied and whammed the door. When she was going to step into the bathtub there came yet another tap on the door. She looked into the peephole and discovered it was the postman. She was getting impatient but reluctantly wrapped the towel again and answered the door. "Did you know I have finished delivering all my mail?" The postman explained. "That's your own business!" She shouted and closed the door in his face. She was preparing her soap whan there was a soft knock on the door. She looked through the peephole and she saw the blind man. She thought: "Since he is blind, I don't need to go to the fuss to put on the towel." The woman just opened the door naked. The blind man said in a soft voice,"Good news, the doctor healed me of my blindness and now I can see!"